Parents and school discipline: who’s in charge?

Disciplining your kids is hard enough. But what should parents do when the discipline comes from a teacher or the school administration? Having a game plan addressing school discipline helps you and your children either to avoid it in the first place, or at the very least, get through it without further problem.

First, it’s important to know the school’s code of conduct. Make sure your children know the rules and what the consequences are for breaking those rules. Perhaps even more important, be sure your kids know what your expectations are for them in school.

In the event that you disagree with one or more of the school’s guidelines for conduct, form a plan with your children to avoid coming up against these particular rules. If that’s not possible, ensure they understand how you want them to act. Consider, also, reaching out to your student’s guidance counselor to raise any concerns about the school’s requirements or code of conduct. While the school may not be willing to bend the rules for your student, they may be able to help you come up with a plan to avoid conflicting situations.

If your children require disciplinary action from the school, keep the door “open.” Let your kids know they are free to come and discuss the situation with you. Moreover, be available to their teachers and the school administration so that you partner with them to correct the behavior and support your student’s efforts to avoid disciplinary action in the future.

Try to maintain a big-picture assessment of their behavior at school. Even the best students make mistakes from time to time, and grace is a worthwhile principle to adopt. On the other hand, chronic misbehavior may need added attention to get to the root of the behavior. Misbehavior could be as simple as acting out for attention or as complicated as peer pressure. Work with your student’s guidance counselor to determine the need of additional support services, such as professional counseling or play-therapy.

Discipline is one of the more unsavory aspects of parenthood, and discipline that comes from another adult can be complicated. Pull from your own resources to gain insight and advice from others to determine what systems and plans worked for them. Your parents, friends, and neighbors with children, and even your student’s peers’ parents can be great resources for advice. Just be sure that any conversations about your child’s behavior stay confidential. You wouldn’t want your child’s classmates to have insider information to their behavior or disciplinary needs.

At the end of the day, you are responsible for your student’s behavior—not the school. Any discipline that comes from a teacher or school administrator will either need your stamp of approval or your disagreement. Ensuring your student knows where you stand on their behavior is key to ensuring they grow into a wise and mature adult.